Covenant Spice: The Ingredients for a Yummy Union

During Sophia’s first year of marriage, she struggled in the kitchen.

Despite her best efforts, her culinary creations tasted more like bland, day-old hospital gruel. Her husband wasn’t able to offer much help; he couldn’t tell a crockpot from a colander.

Then she discovered spices. Forgettable feed turned into succulent sustenance. Just a pinch of paprika, a sprinkling of sage, and her husband looked forward to mealtime almost as much as sitting down to watch football.

Just like spiceless food, a spiceless marriage is bland, and soon grows stale (since no one wants to eat the leftovers.)

A seasoned, spicy marriage is one that’s playful, passionate, and peppered with new experiences. However, you wouldn’t gobble up spices on their own.

Likewise, spice in a biblical marriage must begin with a foundation…

A Biblical Covenant, Sprinkled with Spices

What is a biblical marriage covenant? Like the meat on which spices are sprinkled, a covenant is the foundation of your marriage.

A formal relationship with blessings and consequences.

God established important covenants with Israel, Noah, David, and others in the Bible. These covenants were formal relationships that included sanctions. Abiding by those sanctions brought blessings; breaking them brought consequences.

Now if you will obey me and keep my covenant, you will be my own special treasure from among all the peoples on earth; for all the earth belongs to me. Exodus 19:5

A foundation for action and a guide for your path.

Did you know that covenants are like a guide for solving a puzzle? They help us navigate the Bible and understand how all of its parts fit together. Covenants provide a “big picture” so that you can understand the Bible’s details, the same way that you can appreciate each puzzle piece once it is placed with the others to form a picture.

You can comprehend God’s actions in Scriptures based on the different covenants he has made. For example, the covenant God made with Abraham in Genesis (in chapters 12, 15, 17) included promises to make his descendants as numerous as the stars, and be the father of many nations.

6 In the same way, “Abraham believed God, and God counted him as righteous because of his faith.” 7 The real children of Abraham, then, are those who put their faith in God. 8 What’s more, the Scriptures looked forward to this time when God would make the Gentiles right in his sight because of their faith. God proclaimed this good news to Abraham long ago when he said, “All nations will be blessed through you.” 9 So all who put their faith in Christ share the same blessing Abraham received because of his faith. Galatians 3:6-9

Hundreds of years later, God sent his son Jesus Christ to die and pay for our sins, making the fulfillment of this promise possible. According to Galatians 3:6-9, all those who put their faith in Christ are Abraham’s children, and they hail from many nations. God is making good on his promise to Abraham to this day!

The way you view the covenant you made with your spouse governs your actions. It doesn’t matter how long ago you spoke your vows. You still need to act on them. They are binding, regardless of what happens, or what your spouse does or doesn’t do.

Here’s another example of another early and crucial covenant that God kept after hundreds of years:

Now if you will obey me and keep my covenant, you will be my own special treasure from among all the peoples on earth; for all the earth belongs to me. Genesis 3:15

God promised that one day, the “offspring of a woman” would triumph over Satan. This promise was fulfilled in the redemptive death of God’s son Jesus Christ on the cross.

A binding agreement and a basis for forgiveness.

God, like a good husband, always keeps up his end of the “bargain”. Man, however, has not always been a faithful bride.

31 “The day is coming,” says the Lord, “when I will make a new covenant with the people of Israel and Judah. 32 This covenant will not be like the one I made with their ancestors when I took them by the hand and brought them out of the land of Egypt. They broke that covenant, though I loved them as a husband loves his wife,” says the Lord.

33 “But this is the new covenant I will make with the people of Israel after those days,” says the Lord. “I will put my instructions deep within them, and I will write them on their hearts. I will be their God, and they will be my people. 34 And they will not need to teach their neighbors, nor will they need to teach their relatives, saying, ‘You should know the Lord.’ For everyone, from the least to the greatest, will know me already,” says the Lord. “And I will forgive their wickedness, and I will never again remember their sins.”
Jeremiah 31:31-34

According to the passage above, Israel as a nation broke her covenant with God. He had asked them to serve Him as the One, True God, but they worshipped idols and false gods. They disregarded God’s established laws for behavior (see the Ten Commandments of Exodus 20). Like an unfaithful, adulterous wife, Israel turned away from God, even though He was a faithful, loving husband.

When the Lord first began speaking to Israel through Hosea, he said to him, “Go and marry a prostitute, so that some of her children will be conceived in prostitution. This will illustrate how Israel has acted like a prostitute by turning against the Lord and worshiping other gods.” Hosea 1:2

However, God promised to forgive and forget Israel’s sin, and establish a new covenant with them. This new covenant offered remission for sins through the death of Jesus Christ, and complete salvation from damnation. God’s mercy to Israel (and to all mankind) is remarkable, considering the fact that every human being has sinned and been unfaithful to Him.

6 But now Jesus, our High Priest, has been given a ministry that is far superior to the old priesthood, for he is the one who mediates for us a far better covenant with God, based on better promises.

7 If the first covenant had been faultless, there would have been no need for a second covenant to replace it. 8 But when God found fault with the people, he said:

“The day is coming, says the Lord,
when I will make a new covenant
with the people of Israel and Judah.
9 This covenant will not be like the one
I made with their ancestors
when I took them by the hand
and led them out of the land of Egypt.
They did not remain faithful to my covenant,
so I turned my back on them, says the Lord.
10 But this is the new covenant I will make
with the people of Israel on that day, says the Lord:
I will put my laws in their minds,
and I will write them on their hearts.
I will be their God,
and they will be my people.
11 And they will not need to teach their neighbors,
nor will they need to teach their relatives,
saying, ‘You should know the Lord.’
For everyone, from the least to the greatest,
will know me already.
12 And I will forgive their wickedness,
and I will never again remember their sins.”

13 When God speaks of a “new” covenant, it means he has made the first one obsolete. It is now out of date and will soon disappear.
Hebrews 8:6-13

Do you need to forgive your spouse or ask for forgiveness? Perhaps your agreement to love and respect each other has been broken. It’s time to honor your marriage covenant and restore it, or create a new covenant.

A lasting, unbreakable promise.

17 But the love of the Lord remains forever
with those who fear him.
His salvation extends to the children’s children
18 of those who are faithful to his covenant,
of those who obey his commandments!
Psalm 103:17-18

The Lord’s covenant with those who fear and obey him is eternal.

Traditional marriage vows say, “till death do us part.” The Bible says husband and wife become “one flesh” when they marry. (Genesis 2:24).

When we acknowledge the gravity of the marriage covenant, separation is never an option.

Covenant Spice: How to Add Fun & Flavor to Your Foundation

Remember Sophia and her kitchen catastrophe? She had all the basic ingredients for producing barely-palatable provisions, but that was all.

You probably have the basic ingredients for marriage as well: the spouse, the license, the vows, the commitment, etc.
That’s all you need for a joyful marriage, right?

Wrong.

Like Sophia, you need to add some salt, seasonings, and excitement! Make your marriage delicious by sprinkling spices liberally!

Live happily with the woman you love through all the meaningless days of life that God has given you under the sun. The wife God gives you is your reward for all your earthly toil. Ecclesiastes 9:9

These tips will help you season your union with joy, laughter, and pleasure: Learn to laugh at life. Don’t take yourself and your mistakes, and the mishaps of life too seriously. Cake burns up in the oven? Play a silly joke on your family and pretend that it’s an exotic, gourmet recipe (bonus points for eating a bite and saying it’s the best you’ve ever tasted). Dog destroys the couch cushions? Take a photo, slap on a crazy caption, and let your friends laugh with you. Research shows that laughter can reduce stress. It takes your mind off of your embarrassment or loss, and alleviates tension.

Be brave and experiment. Break free from the doldrums of the same old weekly meals to try new recipes. Start a new hobby that you and your spouse can enjoy together. Schedule a novel experience once a month to inject excitement into your routine: ride horseback for the first time, attend a concert, take a hike, take on a big home project, or even perform a real science experiment.

Get advice and inspiration from others. Scour marriage self-help books like you would recipe books to discover tips, tricks and ideas. Take advantage of free time or chore time to listen to YouTube videos and marriage podcasts like Focus On the Family or Fierce Marriage. Speak with other couples and find out what they are doing to improve the flavor of their marriages. Schedule a meeting with your pastor or another respected leader for personalized advice.

Find out what’s on your spouse’s bucket list. Have you ever asked your spouse what activities he/she would enjoy if they were possible? Maybe a few things on the list are not doable, but see if you can check off the ones that are. Avoid shutting down ideas that seem frivolous or strange to you at first.

Enjoy the positive aspects of each stage of life. Time changes your body, looks, health and attitudes. Growing old together means accepting those changes gracefully in both yourself and your spouse. Appreciate the bright, positive, and even humorous parts of each stage. The guy or gal you are married to now is still the sweetheart you gushed over in your youth. (Proverbs 5:18) Note that this verse doesn’t say “rejoice in your youthful wife!”

Invest in your spouse, not just in your house. Spend time and money to create memories with your spouse, instead of shelling out all your savings on material things. These experiences will get you through the mundane, hard days, the way cheese makes broccoli taste awesome! Like exotic spices, trips and excursions can be expensive, but consider them an investment in your marriage.

Venture into uncharted waters…in the bedroom. God intends for married sex to be enjoyable, pleasurable…even spicy. With a foundation of mutual respect, you and your spouse can try new sexual positions, aids and toys together. (link here?)