The Pure Bed: Undefiled, Yet SO Delicious & Spicy

Speaking of the bedroom, many married couples ask, “can biblical sex be both spicy and pure?”

It’s unfortunate so many Christian couples assume the “pure bed” in marriage means settling for sex in the missionary position for the rest of their lives.

That is an erroneous understanding of Hebrews 13:4:

Give honor to marriage, and remain faithful to one another in marriage. God will surely judge people who are immoral and those who commit adultery. Hebrews 13:4

So what is the “pure bed” in marriage?

The undefiled, pure bed is one in which spouses honor each other with their actions. It means placing your spouse’s pleasure and comfort above your own. It means refraining from acts that harm or demean your spouse.

Most importantly, it means enjoying sexual intimacy within the guidelines God has included in the Bible.

The Foundation for the Pure Bed: Forsaking All Others

God’s Word makes it clear that we can (and should) relish in sensual, exciting, toe-curling sex, within the boundaries of marriage.

Sex before marriage, sex with someone who is not your spouse, and homosexual relations are clearly sins in God’s eyes.

Don’t you realize that those who do wrong will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Don’t fool yourselves. Those who indulge in sexual sin, or who worship idols, or commit adultery, or are male prostitutes, or practice homosexuality. 1 Corinthians 6:9

The Bible also equates lusting for someone who isn’t your spouse with adultery.

But I say, anyone who even looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28

But what if I’ve already sinned? Can I still enjoy a “pure bed” in marriage?

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness.1 John 1:9

1 John 1:9 makes it clear that God will forgive us when we repent and confess our sins to Him. He will also purify us, making us clean again. Even if you have sinned in the past, God can “wipe your slate clean” so you can delight in his design for sex within marriage.

The Context of the Pure Bed: Honor Before Pleasure

1 Now regarding the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to abstain from sexual relations. 2 But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband.

3 The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. 4 The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

5 Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:1-5

How do you honor your spouse, and exalt his/her pleasure above your own?

• Be patient with your spouse, and help him/her become aroused when it takes a bit longer than expected.
• Support and encourage your spouse when a health condition (erectile dysfunction, vaginal dryness) makes enjoying intimacy difficult.
• Focus on satisfying your spouse’s needs (cuddling, more foreplay, achieving orgasm) even if they are different from what you want.
• Graciously engage in intimacy when your spouse desires it, even if you’re not necessarily “in the mood”.
• Try new sexual positions, aids, furniture, and toys when they might be helpful and beneficial to your spouse (and when you both agree that they will not be harmful).

The tasks above aren’t as “easy as pie”. In fact, they are more like making angel food cake! This delicacy’s fluffy texture can only be accomplished by carefully following some very specific and time-consuming instructions, like waiting for 12 egg whites to reach room temperature, separating them from their yokes, then whipping them for almost 10 minutes.

However, all that time and effort pays off when you bite into a piece of that light, spongey, heavenly cake. Your efforts to honor your spouse in the bedroom will pay off the same way.

Do to others whatever you would like them to do to you. This is the essence of all that is taught in the law and the prophets. Matthew 7:12

The Bedroom Is an Altar of Worship

Sex was God’s idea.

But why is sex such a “taboo” or “awkward” topic for us when it has always been God’s invention? He masterminded intimacy to fulfill his purposes, as well as our needs. Cultivating sexual desire and enjoyment with our spouses brings God glory.

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31

How can we bring God glory and worship him with our lives? Worship isn’t just singing songs in church or praying to tell God how much we adore Him. We should also worship God through actions.

But Samuel replied, “What is more pleasing to the Lord:
your burnt offerings and sacrifices
or your obedience to his voice?
Listen! Obedience is better than sacrifice,
and submission is better than offering the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22

Our obedience to God is worth more than the offerings we give.

We can also worship God in the bedroom, through sex!

Why did God create sex?

7 ‘This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, 8 and the two are united into one.’ Since they are no longer two but one, 9 let no one split apart what God has joined together.” Mark 10:8

In order to understand how you can worship God through sex between husband and wife, it’s important to understand why He created it.

• It’s a gift. He wants us to freely experience incredible joy and satisfaction.
• Sex connects the husband and wife in the most thorough and intimate way possible. They become “one flesh”.
• It involves the heart, body, and mind the way no other act can.
• Sex strengthens the marriage bond.
• It provides a tangible picture of Christ’s relationship with the church.
• Intercourse leads to procreation. Bring on those adorable babies!

22 For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. 23 For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. 24 As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

25 For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her 26 to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. 27 He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. 28 In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. 29 No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. 30 And we are members of his body.

31 As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” 32 This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. 33 So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
Ephesians 5:22-33

Is the pure bed really that important?

Just how important is sex to God? Does He really care what we do with our bodies?

18 Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. 19 Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, 20 for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body. 1 Corinthians 6:18-20

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Sex is important to God. This is how we know:

1. He discusses sex A LOT in Scriptures. Many verses warn of the dangers of sexual sin. Others point to the benefits of married intimacy (Proverbs 5:19).
2. Satan goes to great lengths to cheapen and pervert God’s original design for sex. He knows that it is a powerful, important relationship.
3. An entire book in the Bible illustrates the wonders of married romance and sex: Song of Solomon!